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| Be free. Live free. Feel free. Love free.
I mean of course there are exceptions when at times you should most definitely think about others, but in general never forget about your own feelings. Some say that might be selfish but honestly fcuk them. This is one of those entrees on the dear old xanga where I'd 'get practice what you preech' and honestly I think I've learned yet another important life lesson. But just knowing how you feel doesn't always cut it, you have to express those feelings to the one(s) most important. I know that it's hard and scary but in general it works. Or at least it can be the start of a new beginning.
I finally took what I said before and put it into action. After many months of stress and uneasiness I did it. In some ways I regret it and in others I am relieved. The weight of my emotions is gone but the worry has begun to set in. I worry about you, just because I said what I said doesn't mean I'm going to stop caring. You are my everything, and just because I didn't want what we had right now doesn't mean I won't want it later, it just means I'm not ready. I feel as though we skipped a step. That we skipped the foundations. We didn't have enough communication. Without communication, it sounds like a hook up with no strings or emotions attached and we didn't want that. I needed freedom, space, whatever. The way things went down tonight wasn't exactly how I planned it or how I wanted it to happen, but maybe, for now it's for the best. I don't want to hold you back from trying new things and meeting new people and I wish for the same. I just need time to think and I hope that you're okay with that. I worry about you. And I still want to talk to you especially about this.
[Obviously, that most likely has nothing to do with you, but I said what was needed to be said]
I'm done wasting your time. You may now continue with whatever you were doing before.
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| No one reads this, and those that do, suck and don't comment jkjk I really don't care about that stuff anymore. But I did have a burst of light this, so far lovely, Sunday morning.
Why do I let what people say about me, affect me? Why do I let what people think about me, affect me? It's because I'm human, but that doesn't mean I can't fight it. It hurts me to see people I love saying things like, "I'm not happy, but if I do what makes me happy so&so is going to be mad" or "I'm afraid what people will think if I actually do it." I know there are certain situations where that's ok or where your friends are just trying to look out for you when they say they don't want you to do it. But if it really affects your happiness, then the only way to find out if its what you truly want then you just have to go for it. Yes there are times when you know what makes you happy is wrong and you'll just have to resist, but other times it might be wrong in only a few people's eyes and to the rest of the people around you, it's perfect. Well what do you do? I think you do what makes you happy. Going through life miserably doesn't sound like a way to live. Sure, some people want to do it that way, and I'm not criticizing them, but I know I don't want to. I want to enjoy my life. I want to remember the "good 'ole years" just as that. Yeah, so it might involve a few lies here and there and that's not exactly the right thing. But can someone tell me the last time they saw me this happy for this long? You can't, if you can, tell me, I wanna know. I'm tried of hearing the drama and the chismis and all the other shit that comes with it. Let people say what they will, but don't let it affect your happiness. Your happiness is under your rule. As for me, I want to be happy. I am happy. | | |
| i officially think that this is no longer my life, i don't plan it, everyone else does, so you wanna go do something with me then just say because i no longer have control
Sept 29-Oct 1: uncle's house of one of the days, filipino party saturday night anyone?
6- 8: oo free weekend, i think i might actually spend it with dad... hopes
13-15: Carmena Brianna with dad either 13 or 14 and 15 uncle butch's birthday PARTY! @ lolo&lola's
20-23: (for day weekend woo!) mom's because 23= Luke's 4th birthday/anniversary mass that means more to me then what you think it does
27-29: woo! free weekend
(homecoming dance is in there somewhere...i hope)
November
3-5: danny's 14, i don't know if they're coming up here maybe free?
10-12: joanna's 15, dad's, me pre-birthday party?
17-19: mom's, queen of peace end of month
21: filipino dance @ cpa?
22-26: i have no idea, thanksgiving somewhere
if there is free time somwhere in there and you want that date if have to give me notice because i have to talk to rents about where i'm spending time and all that crap. but if you want to spend time with me holla because otherwise i'll sit at home and rot as usual :p
as for those who always ask ♥we♥ are good, hopefully i'll have more free time!! i love you :)
ok i've participated enough in your time to procrastinate, i'm afraid its time to go back to work my sweets *tear* i know!! | | |
| whoa everytime i get on xanga the edit box thangy looks different!! but anywaysss....
last week=crap
carly had 2 crap days in one week
carly had a crap week
carly feels like crap *cough cough* thanks maria and lizzie!! jkjk i love you guys!!
carly's going to her mom's house tomorrow
carly wants to go and doesn't want to go
carly needs to stop doing this
carly is stopping now
carly wanted to do one more :p
carly makes ^_^ face
carly says i love you!!
this week=slowest week ever!!
today feels like it should be thursday but its only tuesday!! ahh... we got progress reports today... i did okaay...
i have 2 b's something that's going to make my weekend at both houses miserable!! not looking forward to that but life is life and i tried... ;p
life=pretty awesome
highschool at ghs is pretty awesome especially lunch that's the best part!! umm anyone know about the whole club maud/mod w/e thingy? umm otherwise i don't think anything is new... sad i know... o yea, filipino club anyone? ideas, yea, i need them... ms mcclean for sponser?
joe=good
carly=good
joe+carly=we
we=awesome
i think i've wasted enough of what you call a "life"
...but if you read it then either you care or you were forced to by a serial killer or you had nothing else to do except homework :p | | |
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haha, the best dance of all freakin time!! the otso otso, next filipino party that you go to, i'm going to record it or i'll have someone do it for me considering ever time it plays i get dragged up there, but somehow it will be recorded!
♥
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